I've had some recent growth and it occurred to me that many of you have no idea what my health journey has been about. Today, I want to take a moment to give you a peek into my past.
There's a tendency in the health and fitness world (I too am guilty of this!) to assume that because someone appears to be healthy and fit that 1) they must have been born like that and 2) that it must come easy to them. My personal story defies both of those myths!
I was really overweight throughout my childhood and adolescent years. One of these days I'll dig up some of my elementary and high school photos, but today is not that day. :) My husband gets a kick out of seeing pictures of me from my youth because it's hard for him to believe that that chubby, insecure child has turned into a fit, confident adult.
I loved sports and was an active kid, but I also loved cookies and Taco Bell. My parents did the best they could with the knowledge they had (love you, Mom!) but I never made the connection between what I ate and how I looked. When I moved away to college I was a good 40+ pounds heavier than the weight I comfortably sit at today.
Without after-school sports to keep me in shape, I found myself drawn to the on-campus fitness center at my University. It was there that my passion for fitness was born. Most first-year college students gain the "Freshman 15", but I lost 20 pounds my first year of college simply by incorporating weight training, cardio, and being too cheap to buy many meals outside of what I ate at the cafeteria.
I thought that a bagel with cream cheese and a side of steamed broccoli was a good post-workout meal (eek!) but nevertheless I saw some amazing changes in my body and my interest in food and fitness was piqued.
Over the next few years of college I learned a lot about strength training and nutrition. I yo-yo dieted, dabbled in some disordered eating, and spent way too much time on the elliptical. It was the first time in my life that I could wear a size pant that was a single digit. I remember that being a really big deal to me, the first time I wore a size 8 instead of a 10 (especially after being a 12 and 14).
Honestly, I worked out and ate "healthy" purely for aesthetic reasons. My only goal was to be skinny. I thought that if I could get thin, *then* I could focus on being healthy. I worked out a lot because I felt like it gave me control over how much I could eat, and I used it as a way to punish myself for eating "bad" things.
There's definitely part of me that looks back on those years with regret. I wasted a lot of time and energy pursuing the wrong things. But, as I've gotten older (and hopefully wiser!) I look back at that college girl with compassion and gratitude. I wish I could hug her and tell her that she is more than enough, as a size 6 or a size 14. I would also thank her for the valuable lessons I learned during that time and the ability it gives me now to relate to my clients.
This is a picture of me (on the right) and one of my roomies the summer before our senior year of college. I remember loving this picture because I didn't have any stomach rolls. :)
These days I'm about 20 lbs. lighter and a heck of a lot happier with how I feel, inside and out. My college years were the beginning of my "transformation". It was an important part of my journey, but the last fifteen years have been a different sort of transformation. I'll save that story for another day, but here's a spoiler:
I learned that if you focus on getting healthy, you get hot by accident. I learned how to figure out what foods make me feel amazing and how to eat according to my goals. I learned how to love myself and make self-honoring choices.
Thanks for letting me share a bit of myself with you today. If you're struggling with weight loss, body shame, or insecurity, I've been there! I'm now a nutrition coach and personal trainer, but I spent over half my life overweight, inflamed, and without a clue that I had the power to change the trajectory of my life. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of a woman with my former body shape and think to myself, "That could totally have been me." It's never too late to make a change!
